Monday, October 6, 2008

A Wee Bit O' Blarney, Albeit Out Of Season..

Flattery will get you everywhere, I think. I hope. Because I have just spent a great deal of time having an online conversation with a person I don't like much. And I didn't say anything which wasn't true, because there are things I can say that ARE true about what this woman does, and they are good things. Someone doesn't have to be someone I like to do work that I admire...but that doesn't mean I have to like her, or who she is, or how she treats me....So...why do I feel dirty? Why do I feel like a hypocrite, when nothing I said to her is untrue? Because I said those things to her because I want something? But she knows what I want, and she is ok with it. It's just that I know that I wouldn't be talking to her at all if there weren't something I want. And I would prefer to say how I really feel about her, TO her, and I don't feel like I can. So...I make nice, online, to get her to do what I need her to do. And I go offline, to this blog, that is a place I can be honest with the world, and say that it makes me feel like a bad person, like a liar, even thought I never told a lie at all. It is completely irrational to feel the way I do. I will have to figure out WHY.

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